Hair

Bring up the word "tails" in front of Lilli and she will cry for you to put her hair up in two neat pigtails every time.  Tell her we have to get ready and do our hair and she will sprint for the sink, climb her stool, and start to comb her hair into a huge mess or knots (or "knotties" as we call them).

For months her hair wisped just below her eye brows. She would squint and brush it aside. I tried parting it different ways, different cute and fun clips and barrettes, I even tried headbands. Lilli just was not a fan. I tried using the little baby rubber bands that they sell in the baby section. They hurt her and she screamed within 5 minutes.  (Dear Target, stop selling those, they suck!)  So I tried my ouch-less ones that I haven't used since my hair was shorter and SCORE! Only she wouldn't keep them in very long, the interest lasted only as long as she could look in the mirror.  Then I started calling them pony tails and pig tails. It's incredible what one little association to farm animals will do.

Ever since, every day when I put my hair up or brush it out, Lilli is standing right next to me waiting for her turn.  "Tails? Pony? Pig? Tails?!" Usually putting the comb through her hair, making it harder to brush out.  And when I'm not looking she tries to put a little hair mousse in it.  

I'll say one thing, as exciting as it is to finally be able to do our hair together, I don't look forward to showing her how to use make up!  

"Song of the Entry" 

Day Glo by Brazos

Sharing is Caring

In the early Spring, we went to the park almost three times a week. Lilli would always head for one specific area when she went to our favorite park. Right for the huge sandbox-like area of mulch where all of the boys would be shoveling and dumping buckets full of rubber mulch.  Without hesitation she would dive right into whatever task they were completing.  She loved (and loves) to get as dirty as possible, no matter what shoes she was wearing.

Every time we went, it would end in a breakdown of some sort when the family who brought all of the buckets, shovels and pick up trucks had to leave for the day.  Worse yet, when the owner of these toys wanted one that Lilli was using at the time.  At first, it was hard to explain sharing to her without using the word "sharing." Since the words she understood didn't really help in explaining the concept, I found myself saying over and over "Lilli, share the toys!" I would ask other parents how they taught their child to share. They almost always had the same answer "pre-school/day care." Well, that's not really an option for us right now.  So I did the next best thing for a work-at-home mom, I read articles and practiced with her when the opportunity presented itself.

We read a lot of stories about sharing, which seemed to at least initiate the idea into her mind.  We would practice at the park, which always resulted in a breakdown, followed by removing her from the area, when a kid left with their bucket and shovels. I felt terrible taking her away from her favorite part of the playground to avoid a scene. Distraction. Distraction. Distraction. While distraction almost always works, it didn't really teach her what we needed her to understand.

In the end the most productive form of teaching her to share was sharing. Go figure. It seemed to click so naturally when we would practice.  We would ask her if she'd like to share something we were playing with or eating at home.  It seemed to be best understood when it involved some sort of treat she loved.  We would ask if we could share something she was using, like her toys. We asked her to share with Taz and Linus. We started having tea parties (holy moly, so cute).  It seemed to put an act with a word.  A word that was repeated over and over without explanation.  Finally, it was starting to come together for her.

Sharing is still a work in progress, sometimes we forget and have to start back at the beginning, but we're moving forward most of the time and that's what is important.  For the future I need to remember, acting is a far better teaching tool than talking in some cases.  I can't just shout words at her and hope that someday she puts two and two together.  I need to show her how to be a better person, not just tell her.  Lessons learned.

"Song of the Entry"
When I'm Small by Phantogram

Busch Gardens: part 2

As an added incentive of going on our adventures, we usually give in when it comes to the snack department.  Dave and I have always been a sucker for sweets, though we've gotten much better since having a child.  One of Lilli's favorite things is "cream!" Ice cream, whipped cream, even sour cream. She will pull apart a taco just to get to the cream and won't touch the rest of it until every drop has been consumed.

And just for the record, she only ate the very top of that huge cup of pudding and only after eating chicken, carrots and fruit. 

"Song of the Entry" 

Rhinocirrhosis by Bikinians

Busch Gardens: part 1

Recently, Dave made a case for purchasing season passes to Busch Gardens/Adventure Island. Since we're state residents, we get a pretty nice discount.  I have to say, at first, I was seriously against dropping so much money for something "fun" when we have so many other things we could use.  However, he spent a good part of two days trying to convince me that it was the best idea he's ever had.  Apparently, Dave has very fond memories of water and amusement parks from when he was a kid and wanted to share those moments with Lilli.  Who can argue that? I couldn't... I tried.  A lot. And after too many days of the same argument, I decided that this obviously was important to him, so I gave in and by the next morning he had the passes printed and our bags packed.

Over the past month and a half we have gone every weekend to one park or the other.  Lilli has a blast every single time.  She exhausts herself to the point where she passes out in the car before we even get out of the lot.  I'd say we got our money's worth, for sure.

As a result of our many trips, we've had to deal with a major "letting go" moment.  We've had the joy of experiencing this moment over and over since beginning our weekend adventures.  Putting Lilli on a ride... by. her. self. Seriously?!?! My baby!? ALONE! ON A RIDE! The park has a few rides specifically for kids her size, but still, the vision of seeing her sitting on a swing alone sent panic through my heart.  Then the ride started... My panic turned into fear, then pride, then sadness. My baby is not a baby.  She hasn't been for a while now, but this...

This was hard to swallow. She rode the swings, the train, the motorcycles, and the airplanes.  All alone. All grown into a child before my very eyes.  She still likes to ride with us, thank goodness. I think if she started the teenage years early my heart would turn to pieces.  

Although it breaks my heart to see her sitting in a ride alone while we stand on the sidelines cheering and waving, it's for the best.  I almost get tears in my eyes thinking about how far she's come in such a short time.  She is so independent and adventurous it's scary.  She may not remember it, but we are spending some serious quality time together. "We're depositing so much into her emotional  bank," Dave says.  He's right.  We're having a blast doing it too. 

I take it back, Dave. Our adventures were the best investment you've ever convinced me fold on. 

"Song of the Entry" 

You Push, I'll Go by Baby Dayliner

Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers

A weekend morning walk with the family.

The haul.

Taking it in

In an effort to stay true to my word to share the bad along with the good in our lives, I am going to share some of my more personal information.  Be warned, this post contains topics such as birthing, pregnancy, breast feeding, my period and doctor visits.

About the time Lilli turned one, I decided to stop breast feeding.  It had become a comfort thing for her and was not really about nutrition.  Plus, ugh! I was so done with it.  I wanted my freedom back. I wanted my pretty bras back!  About 7 months later, and since October of 2007, I still had not resumed my normal cycle. Now, most women would be THRILLED to not have to deal with such a monthly nuisance.  Personally, I prefer it to the week to two week long anxiety accompanying the $15 pregnancy test fee.  The stress involved in thinking I might be pregnant over and over and over itself is reason enough to miss such a widely hated condition.   The testing cost isn't exactly thrilling either.  So I went to the doctors.

My doctor, who delivered Lilli, said it probably had to do with my birth control.  She also said that due to my previous issues with placenta accreta with my first pregnancy, I could end up with fertility issues in the future.  The doctor said that the likelihood of the placenta accreta and hemorrhaging  at birth occurring again is pretty high.  The doctor suggested trying again soon, while my body is still young, because it will be able to handle the pregnancy better than when I am older or even in a few years.  There is also the very high likelihood that I will have to have an hysterectomy and/or a C-section for a second child.

Nothing is promised in my situation. Things could go smoothly and everything turn out to be normal the second time around.... but it could go just as wrong as the first time. I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this information, I still need to digest everything.  While we're not ready to try for number two just yet, I have to admit, the thought of not being able to have another child is sad.  I'm beyond blessed with my one amazing, beautiful, wonderful child.  If that's all that is in store for me, so be it.  I can't really question it since the first one almost killed me. There is a lot to consider, I'm sure I'll have more to say on this as time goes by, but for now I'm a little lost for words.

"Song of the Entry"
Family Time by Ziggy Marley (with Judah Marley)

Understanding Lilli

Some days it's just too hot to run around a playground chasing Lilli up and down equipment made for someone half my size.  So on this day I decided to take her to the mall, one of her favorite places to run around and explore.  Today I parked on the opposite side where I usually park to avoid the quarter rides.  Twenty quarters for ten minutes of ride was not in the budget this trip.

Our mall has a few fabulous family bathrooms.  It's complete with a children's play area, huge flat screen tv that usually is playing Sesame Street (mom approved), large private bathrooms with mini-toilets for toddlers, changing areas with characters painted on the ceilings as a distraction, and of course nice comfy chairs for tired parents to take a rest.  Since I took a different way in, I found a new family bathroom. (hooray!).  This one had a broken TV so Lilli just ran circles around the play area (no complaints here).  Shortly after I sat down, a mother, grandmother and toddler came in to use the facilities.  The little girl was quiet, shy and about a half of a foot taller than Lilli.  Turns out she was the same age, surprisingly, and of course Lilli immediately waved in her face saying hello over and over.  It's just Lilli's very excited way of saying "come play with me!"

The little girl didn't speak one word, she barely played with any of the toys.  She stood there watching my hyper toddler run in circles around her and the play area, yelling excited screams once in a while.  The mom and grandmother told me she used signs and didn't speak much at all. A word here and there, they said.  I was surprised, but remembered reading a lot about children that sign taking longer to speak.  Since Lilli has become such a chatterbox, I figured it was just a myth or something that only happened once in a while.  They said that she the type to take it all in and I reassured them with a story of a friend that's son was the same way.  After all, not every kid has a chatty mom like me around.

Then I found myself feeling almost guilty about how Lilli was acting.  Yelling and running and talking their ears off (not an exaggeration...).  I told her to calm down over and over, "use your inside voice", slow down, stop running, she doesn't like it when you wave in her face, etc... Normally this is a place for her to expend her energy, run around with other kids and get her "wiggles" out before the afternoon.  For some reason, today, I felt bad about her behavior.  Lilli was making this little girl so uncomfortable that she stood on the side just watching Lilli with her energy shooting through the roof.  The mother and grandmother were very friendly and eventually packed up to leave.  As they were leaving, Lilli told them "At mall, shop!" And ran out the door hand in hand with me before them.  Lilli and I "ran" down the hallway (well, Lilli ran, I chased) saying "Green Go!.... Red Stop!.... Green Go!"

This is who she is.  This was who I was as a child.  The loud, energetic, overly outgoing, fun child that just had to be in the center of it all.  Why did I feel the need to stifle her that in this situation?  I wasn't embarrassed, I just felt terrible about how overwhelmed that little girl was becoming because of my little pie.  Am I wrong to try to help Lilli understand that not everyone can handle her overly extrovert self?  I learned the hard way, so maybe will too.  Maybe she needs to know that there is a time and a place, but what if the time and place she is used to collide with a shy, quiet type?

Later that afternoon, we passed the mecca of the mall for Lilli.  I couldn't get away with a mall visit without a ride on the carousel (the "round" as Lilli would say repeatedly until you took her on it).  We finished our ride, I stumbled off dizzily, and we headed for the food court to get some pretzels and cheese (one of our traditions).  She noticed a couple speaking in sign language a table away.  Lilli watched them so intently, enchanted by their gestures.  She looked at me with a HUGE smile and said/signed "all done mommy!" Through out the rest of the afternoon, she gestured and signed along with speaking her words.  From what I can tell it was a sign-language-gibberish.  Maybe she understood more than I realized.  

Seeing Lilli so excited that someone else used the same communication skills as her redeemed my feelings from earlier in the day.  I felt better about my daughter's ability to understand that people are different.  She is different.  Sometimes she won't be understood, sometimes she won't understand.  As long as she accepts that, she will feel more comfortable in life than I do. If she grows up to be compassionate, that is all I could ever ask.  Today, I was proud of her and a little disappointed in myself.  I let my own insecurities take over my emotions and forgot that she is her own person.  She can and will learn the ways of the world with experience, not by listening to me giving directions from the sidelines.

"Song of the Entry"
The Ruminant Band by The Fruit Bats

Lilli's Library List

Another successful trip to the library! It's a two man job these days.  The two of us hunts for books with Lilli as long as her attention span holds.  Then once she is ready to give up the search, one of us has the duty of keeping her at a respectful volume in the play area until it's time to leave.  Meanwhile, the other continues the search for the best books. We usually try to get one to three night time books to help her unwind at the end of the day.  The quiet and relaxing tone usually helps her get into the mindset and now she can recognize words that she associates with sleep.  In most cases, we never know how good some of these books will be until we sit down to read them.  Sometimes we get a winner, other times we're stuck with one that makes little to no sense.  Here are a few from this week's list:

• Curious George Takes a Job by H. A. Rey
• Froggy goes to Bed by Jonathan London
• Froggy Learns to Swim by Jonathan London
• Gerald McBoing Boing by Dr. Seuss
• A Giraffe and a Half by Shel Silverstein
• I Love My New Toy! by Mo Williems
• Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile by Bernard Waber
• Tick Tock by David Williams (Lilli's pick) 
• When the Moon Fell Down by Linda Smith
• No Roses for Harry by Gene Zion

"Song of the Entry"
Dream Song by Alberto Arcangeli

Evening Walks

Summer time is here!

Almost every night, after dinner, the four of us go for a walk around our complex. 

It's one of Lilli's favorite things to do and immediately after dinner is finished, she repeats "walk?" over and over until we head out the door.  

 Recently she decided she was ready to walk Taz by herself.   

When we remember to bring some old bread or stale crackers, we feed the ducks.  They are pretty comfortable around us and Lilli can walk about two feet away before they start to waddle away. 

 Some nights it takes 15 minutes... other nights, when it starts to get dark, we have to bribe her to come home with ice cream. As soon as you say the word "cream" Lilli takes off towards home.  

Sleep Dreams

Every night we go through a bedtime routine that lasts from a half an hour to an hour.  After her bath, teeth brushing, and her pj/diaper change, we start with a glass of milk.  On some nights there is a dance party complete with trance music and glow sticks thanks to the dollar section at Target!  It's our attempt at getting her tired out if she's a little more excitable before bedtime, usually due to sugary (ice) "cream!"  On other nights we go straight for stories which lasts as long as Lilli is interested. Since I typically am home alone during the day, I do naps by myself, so Dave usually reads most of the bedtime stories. She reads along to her favorites shouting the words she knows, we sing some of her favorite songs, and we can't go to the next step without the "Little Piggies" nursery rhyme and the "Hot Dog!" dance.

After all of the dancing, singing, and reading; we say goodnight to Daddy and Taz... and Linus, and Pop-pop and Ebony, and anyone else she can think of before Dave leaves the room.  Then I sit with her in my rocker and we listen to our favorite lullaby.  This is one of my favorite times of the day, we snuggle and just relax quietly in the dark.  It replaced nursing when she was weened and we never stopped.  She gets comfortable, flipping back and forth trying to find the best spot to "hide" on my lap.  She pulls the blanket over her head (which she does it in her sleep too no matter how many times we go in and move it) and we sing or hum along to our two favorite songs.

Up until now, I'd ask her if she was ready for bed after the end of each song.  Usually she will say "no" and I will tell her the next song is the last, then she goes down in her crib without much fuss.  Lately, she has told me when she was ready for bed, before I even ask, after two or three songs. It was exciting at first, I was thrilled she started to be a self motivated sleeper.

Then, she did something she has never done before tonight. We sat down, she got comfortable, we hummed and before the last verse of the first song she asked me "bed, glow-worm?" Of course, it pained me to give up our special quiet time before I was ready to say goodnight.  I couldn't very well stifle her independent stride, as much as I would have liked to hug her for another twenty minutes. I put her down in bed, I kissed her boo-boo (that is mostly healed) for the 400th time that day, gave Augie, Blanket, and Glow-worm a kiss, put on her monitor, one more boo-boo kiss, and closed the door behind me. Then I stood outside her door, while Dave was still outside taking Taz for his walk, not knowing what to do with myself.

While the independence of a toddler is always evolving and usually thrilling to see, it is heart breaking to watch her go off on her own without me.  Giving up our bedtime cuddle was another step away from that newborn that would only sleep in my arms, boob in mouth. After a year she was ready to go to bed in her own room, awake but not willing by any means.  Now, almost two years later, she tells me when she's ready for bed and puts herself to sleep.  I know that her life will be a constant, agonizing process of me letting her walk this world alone. I know that all I want for her is to be able to walk this world with confidence and independence. I know it will always break my heart to see her not need me for help through tough times.  I want her to know it will always make me proud no matter how sad it is for me to watch. I want her to know, no matter how independent she becomes, I will always be there if she has a bad dream, skins a knee, or needs a hug.

"Song of the Entry"
The Look by Color of Clouds