Lilli's Mix CD

One of the things we had hoped for our child, when she was just as small as a finger tip growing in my belly, is that she would be into music.  Being that Dave is a musician, he had hoped for "a screamer" and/or "a drummer" when she was barely the size of a pencil eraser. When she was born, we listened to whatever music we had always listened to. Of course, the foul language didn't really matter, if anything it helped her develop grunts into sounds.  Then she started learning to talk, repeating constantly, and of course coming into her own taste in music.  Luckily for me, she wasn't being exposed to the screaming hard core music Dave enjoys as much as my own.  She was home with me, being force fed some indie rock and "Carrie" music.  Strawberry flavored, melodic and mostly cheerful music from all genres. With no surprise, she liked all kinds of music, even the screaming kinds... Her favorites by far (perhaps by just being constantly exposed to it) were not the ABC's, Old MacDonald, or gag Raffi... It was a variety of ska, regge, indie, and even unfortunately some kids songs (but not your normal variety of annoying, pull your hair out, buy ear plugs, and zone out kind). She liked the Chromeo, Postmarks, Jimmy Eat World, Weezer, and  Reel Big Fish kind.

I like to make new mixes every few months, she picks her favorite songs and demands all others be skipped.  After a while of having to change my CD's back and forth to get the songs she wanted to listen to, and after my CD player started to decline such requests, I made her very own Lilli Mix.  It's one of my favorite mixes.

Three Little Birds (B Version), Bob Marley, B is for Bob

Snoop Dog, Baby, Reel Big Fish, Turn The Radio Off

I am a Paleontologist, They Might Be Giants

5 Years Time, Noah And The Whale

Sugar Daddy, The Hot Toddies

Hot Dog!, They Might Be Giants

1 2 3 Apple Tree, Herman Dune

Technicolor, Nurses

Hello Bonjour, Michael Franti and Spearhead

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Rainbow, Jack Johnson

Sharing Song, Jack Johnson

Jurasic Finish First, Jurasic 5

The Lion Sleeps Tonight, George David Weiss

Lollipop, Julius Edward Dixon

The Monster Song, Psapp

When The Sun Rose Up This Morning, Herman Dune

Make My Day, Waldeck

Island In The Sun, Weezer

Troublemaker, Weezer

My kid rocks.

Biggest, Brightest, Best

When I was a kid, given a choice of anything, I always went for the biggest, the most colorful, or one that would inevitably go first.  Being one of five (sometimes eight, if you include cousins that were always around) kids in a house, I knew that if I don't take what I can get, someone else will and I'd end up regretting my choice. Since I was the oldest, I usually got first choice or at least muscled my way into first choice.  Still, I never let an opportunity pass me by when it came to the best toy, coloring book, or seat in the car.

Lilli is in no rush to go for the coolest animal in the bucket, the best snack in the pantry, or the biggest slice of cake.  She knows it will be there next time, if she chooses to explore the tiny goose today.  Tomorrow she can check out the giant horse. The perks of being an only (and very spoiled) child are very interesting to me. A point of view I'd never get from my own perspective as first born of many.

Most of the time, when Lilli gets a reward for potty successes, she picks an animal toy that she'd been interested in that week.  Last week, she picked two ducks and a chicken over any other (in my opinion) much cooler and bigger cow, tiger, or gorilla.  She chooses the less than fabulous toys in the lot, but she is always just as thrilled.  Just as I started to think how different we were, while washing her hands after another #2 success, she declares she wants the biggest, coolest, and most appealing toy animal in the two buckets she has to choose from. I have to admit, I'm sort of jealous of her freedom.  She doesn't need to worry someone else will get to the best choice first. Though, at the end of the day, I'm more than happy to give her the peace of mind of less competition.

Lilli's favorites

Way back when Lilli started to show a preference to certain toys/dolls, I decided to try and keep track of her favorites.  When she was just starting to walk and show her personality, she had a favorite snack, bedtime doll, and she had to roll around with a certain "Beverly Bear" almost every single day. None of the attachments lasted too long, plus Daddy provides plenty of new distractions more often than necessary.  These days, her favorites have become so well defined now that she can talk and express her opinions about everything.  Which she does... in all things that concern her.  Her favorites change frequently when she discovers something new or learns some new words.  She knows what she likes and has no problem expressing it.

Every morning Lilli chooses which shirt/dress/shorts she is going to wear that day. She chooses her socks, her shoes ("Pink shoes, please!"). We went through some pony, Elmo, Pooh, and pink phases. The past few weeks, she has requested nothing but "frogs!"  It leaves me a little flustered when the three frog outfits are in the wash, but usually we can negotiate an alternative Elmo or Cookie Monster shirt. Although, some days it can take at a half an hour. The other day, when deciding what to eat, we asked Lilli what she would like for dinner.  She quickly said, "pasta." It was the first time we had even heard her say that word.  Since that night, she tells us what she would prefer (we usually give her two choices) for most meals.

A few of her other favorites:

Favorite Color:  Most recently, brown, especially when it comes to reward M&M's for potty successes.  Green and blue are close second and third. We're going to end up with a container of orange, yellow and reds.  At least until she changes her favorite.

Favorite Animal: For the past month or so she has been obsessed with frogs and ladybugs.  Her lady bug pillow has become a permanent fixture in bed.  It started in the living room, then to her room, then next to her bed, and finally into her bed.

Favorite Toys: She loves to play with her Fisher Price Little People Animal Sounds Farm , her tea set from Gramma, and my old Little People house from the 80's.  She loves to pretend, especially tea parties.

Favorite Bedtime Companions: More than I'd like... Augie Doggie, Kitty, Bug (as mentioned above), Scout, Glow-worm, and Blanket. I know it's a lot... but I assure you, no sleep would be had by anyone otherwise.

Favorite Bedtime Book: Happy Birthday Moon, When the Moon Fell Down, and a book of nursery rhymes.

"Songs of the Entry"

Favorite bedtime songs: We have a playlist of about ten songs for bed time. Every night after Daddy reads stories, she says good night and the two of us rock in our rocking chair and listen to a few songs.
Sesame Street by Joshua Radin ("street")
I Don't Want to Live on the Moon by Joseph Gordon-Levitt ("moon")
The House We Grew Up In by Hammock ("house").

Understanding Lilli

Some days it's just too hot to run around a playground chasing Lilli up and down equipment made for someone half my size.  So on this day I decided to take her to the mall, one of her favorite places to run around and explore.  Today I parked on the opposite side where I usually park to avoid the quarter rides.  Twenty quarters for ten minutes of ride was not in the budget this trip.

Our mall has a few fabulous family bathrooms.  It's complete with a children's play area, huge flat screen tv that usually is playing Sesame Street (mom approved), large private bathrooms with mini-toilets for toddlers, changing areas with characters painted on the ceilings as a distraction, and of course nice comfy chairs for tired parents to take a rest.  Since I took a different way in, I found a new family bathroom. (hooray!).  This one had a broken TV so Lilli just ran circles around the play area (no complaints here).  Shortly after I sat down, a mother, grandmother and toddler came in to use the facilities.  The little girl was quiet, shy and about a half of a foot taller than Lilli.  Turns out she was the same age, surprisingly, and of course Lilli immediately waved in her face saying hello over and over.  It's just Lilli's very excited way of saying "come play with me!"

The little girl didn't speak one word, she barely played with any of the toys.  She stood there watching my hyper toddler run in circles around her and the play area, yelling excited screams once in a while.  The mom and grandmother told me she used signs and didn't speak much at all. A word here and there, they said.  I was surprised, but remembered reading a lot about children that sign taking longer to speak.  Since Lilli has become such a chatterbox, I figured it was just a myth or something that only happened once in a while.  They said that she the type to take it all in and I reassured them with a story of a friend that's son was the same way.  After all, not every kid has a chatty mom like me around.

Then I found myself feeling almost guilty about how Lilli was acting.  Yelling and running and talking their ears off (not an exaggeration...).  I told her to calm down over and over, "use your inside voice", slow down, stop running, she doesn't like it when you wave in her face, etc... Normally this is a place for her to expend her energy, run around with other kids and get her "wiggles" out before the afternoon.  For some reason, today, I felt bad about her behavior.  Lilli was making this little girl so uncomfortable that she stood on the side just watching Lilli with her energy shooting through the roof.  The mother and grandmother were very friendly and eventually packed up to leave.  As they were leaving, Lilli told them "At mall, shop!" And ran out the door hand in hand with me before them.  Lilli and I "ran" down the hallway (well, Lilli ran, I chased) saying "Green Go!.... Red Stop!.... Green Go!"

This is who she is.  This was who I was as a child.  The loud, energetic, overly outgoing, fun child that just had to be in the center of it all.  Why did I feel the need to stifle her that in this situation?  I wasn't embarrassed, I just felt terrible about how overwhelmed that little girl was becoming because of my little pie.  Am I wrong to try to help Lilli understand that not everyone can handle her overly extrovert self?  I learned the hard way, so maybe will too.  Maybe she needs to know that there is a time and a place, but what if the time and place she is used to collide with a shy, quiet type?

Later that afternoon, we passed the mecca of the mall for Lilli.  I couldn't get away with a mall visit without a ride on the carousel (the "round" as Lilli would say repeatedly until you took her on it).  We finished our ride, I stumbled off dizzily, and we headed for the food court to get some pretzels and cheese (one of our traditions).  She noticed a couple speaking in sign language a table away.  Lilli watched them so intently, enchanted by their gestures.  She looked at me with a HUGE smile and said/signed "all done mommy!" Through out the rest of the afternoon, she gestured and signed along with speaking her words.  From what I can tell it was a sign-language-gibberish.  Maybe she understood more than I realized.  

Seeing Lilli so excited that someone else used the same communication skills as her redeemed my feelings from earlier in the day.  I felt better about my daughter's ability to understand that people are different.  She is different.  Sometimes she won't be understood, sometimes she won't understand.  As long as she accepts that, she will feel more comfortable in life than I do. If she grows up to be compassionate, that is all I could ever ask.  Today, I was proud of her and a little disappointed in myself.  I let my own insecurities take over my emotions and forgot that she is her own person.  She can and will learn the ways of the world with experience, not by listening to me giving directions from the sidelines.

"Song of the Entry"
The Ruminant Band by The Fruit Bats

The many moods of Lilli

A Lilli photo sequence.  Photos were all taken within moments of each other.

Annnd cut. That's a wrap, folks.

"Song of the Entry" 

Mellow Mood by Bob Marley

Shy or just overwhelmed

This week Lilli and I went to a Christmas party at my old place of employment. It's wonderful to be able to visit and still feel like a part of the group. My old co-workers are fantastic people and it is always a great time when I get the chance to spend some time with them. Lilli is lucky to have them in her life, considering she sees them more than she sees her extended family.

Usually quite a ham, Lilli surprised me when she didn't speak much or put on her usual "look at what I can do" -dance. She signed a lot and rarely spoke her usual full words. She usually loves being the center of attention and will pull you away from whatever is distracting you from more important things... mainly participating in whatever she is doing.

Perhaps she was distracted and overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of people trying to hold her, watch her, talk to her, or simply just engage her in some sort of interaction. It's highly unlikely she was just being shy. On the other hand, Dave isn't really a "talker" in most situations. It's not that he's shy, it's just part of his personality. The ying to my yang. It's hard to get a word in when you're married to someone like me, unless you get a little whiskey in him... :)

On the other side of the spectrum, we were playing at the playground with a brother and sister earlier in the week and she seemed to blend into the situation very well. The two kids were very sweet and played very nicely with her, leading her around and showing her how to play pretend. I noticed quite a change since the 4th of July hug that ended in rejection. She even let both of them hold her hand and hug her goodbye when they were leaving.

The situations were very different, but it made me wonder about Lilli's personality, which side of the outgoing/shy line she will fall on. She's already exhibited mostly extroverted personality attributes, but since her personality is still developing, you never know where she'll end up by the time her personality stabilizes. I find it very interesting, watching her personality develop. I pay close attention to how she reacts in situations. My very own psychological science experiment.

"Song of the Entry"

Body by Mother Mother

Playground organizer

Each morning, weather and mood permitting, I take Lilli to the playground. Before commencing play time, she does is an inspection of how things changed since the day before.

First, she checks to see if anyone put mulch in the teeter-totter. Depending on the status, she will either fill it up for the next person or clean it out.


Second, she checks the steps of the big equipment to make sure they're cleared off. This is something she has done since the first time we took her to the playground near our house. She doesn't like when there is any dirt or mulch on the steps, so she places each individual piece through the holes in the steps. She will not continue to the next step until each step is cleared off.


Finally, she walks over to her favorite alligator to say hello.


Some days Lilli spends most of her time organizing. Pine cones belong outside of the play area, mulch goes the ground (unless the teeter totter is empty), and large pine needles belong in the grass. Finally, big pieces of bark are a victory in exploration.


It's interesting to watch her sort out where things belong and I'm always curious to where she came up with these rules. Since Dave and I are quite organized, it's not surprising that she has inherited this strange quirk and it's entertaining to watch.

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Just Like Heaven by Joy Zipper

Family-isms

Every once in a while I notice that Lilli has picked up on something I never noticed either Dave or I do until I watch it through her actions. She has the same taste in foods, similar personality traits, and makes the same faces as we do in certain situations. We've passed along a lot of our "-isms" to her without even noticing.

It shouldn't be surprising, considering we are the main teachers in her life. Somehow, it always amuses me to hear her gasp when she drops something or furrow her brow in the same way as Dave when he's debating. The most amusing of the "-isms" that we've passed on make me giggle every single time.

When we sit on the patio, Lilli finds my favorite chair (which happens to be my beach chair because it's low to the ground and reclines) and climbs on to find a comfy spot. When she's done adjusting herself she lets out a loud "Ahhhhhh..." Every. Single. Time. I had never noticed it was something I had done until she mimicked it.

Another strange gesture she's picked up from me is a thinking one. When deciding or waiting for me to figure out what she needs, she will tap her pointer finger to her chin (sometimes it goes in her mouth, but you get the idea) and hums very loudly "Hmmmmmmm..." It wasn't until I did it and she copied over and over that I realized she picked it up from my repetitive habit.

How have I never noticed that I do these things before now?! It's unbelievable that I have gone so long without ever noticing my own strange "-ism." It made me wonder what other strange habits and gestures she will pick up in the future.

A few things I thought of when being concerned about the bad habits she may pick up:

• Q-tip Obsession: not being able to go even one shower without cleaning out my ears.
• Second Shelf Syndrome: a habit I picked up from my BFF in college, only choosing the second item on a shelf because the first one is somehow tainted.
• OCD: I put her in the car seat, drive to the end of our complex, drive back to the house, take her out of her car seat, check the lock, repeat. I know it's insane.
• Trying Face: Many people have asked me "why do you look so angry?" while I work hard on something. My trying hard face. Sometimes accompanied by a "it's difficult" face. If you've seen them, you'd know.
• Concentration Tongue: Dave can't play his guitar without sticking out his tongue. Even when concentrating to not do it, eventually he forgets.
• Child-like sitting: also known as sitting criss cross apple sauce.
• Singing out loud, even if it's the wrong words.
• Naming inanimate (and animate) objects: Usually given proper names. (e.g. Mr. Squirrel, Mrs and Mr. Duck, Mr. Car)

We're a weird group and we've succeeded in passing on the little things to a new generation. I wonder how this will effect her in the long run. When she grows up, will people ask why she does the things she does and have only her parents to blame? Which things will stick? Which ones will she embrace and which will she resent us for passing along?

She may end up with bad knees and hips from sitting with her legs curled under her. She might get funny stares when she concentrates. She could learn to play her favorite instrument with her mouth wide open. There are some personality gifts we will be proud to have given her. She will always have clean ears, her doors will always be locked, she'll sing her favorite song loud and proud even when she's made up her own lyrics, and every animal she meets will feel special because they will be formally addressed.

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Sideburns by The Kabeedies

Endless energy

Lilli is on. All the time. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, she is ready to take on her day. She is constantly investigating every aspect of life and taking it in all at once.



Climbing, spinning, running, walking, investigating, pretending, playing, and learning. It's exhausting to watch, it's more exhausting to follow her around. I don't know where the energy comes from, the food intake to energy output ratio is baffling.



It reminds me of something one of my younger brothers used to say as a kid...

"Run, run, run, run, run, FALL DOWN!!!"



"Indie Song of the Entry"

Half My Heart Beats by The Smittens

Mommy voice

For the first time since becoming a mother I have had to use my best version I could muster up of my "mommy voice." Lilli has ventured into the daring world of being a toddler and as parents this means stern looks and lots of "not for babies!" Since we have had lots of practice from being pet owners, I thought the transition would be easy... that is until I saw that smirk... A smirk I have become all too familiar with over the nine years with my beloved punk ass husband.

Now don't get me wrong, I love him for it. He's got the biggest tell I've ever seen. A big "THANK YOU" to my MIL for telling me about it once. He smiles when he's done something wrong or is thinking of something kind of terrible, it's adorable and infuriating. We call it "the passion." The stuff that makes me crazy about him makes me love him so much. And now... it's been passed on to my little girl.

It's not quite a smile, just this sideways smirk that seems to say "I do what I want and I love it!" She is testing her boundaries and our patience. Whether it is pulling on the curtains to see how far they'll go, trying with all of her tiny hand's might to remove the electric socket covers, or trying to escape her play area (aka our entire living space) she is learning too fast for our sanity.

I don't look forward to the first time I have to use the middle name or her first grounding. However... I do enjoy watching her learn, even during the dangerous times. She seems to be watching everything at once, testing every surface, texture, color, smell, sight, and of course... flavor.

I know what we're in for... between my out-going personality and Dave's passion and endless talents, she's going to turn into quite an interesting person. Watching it develop is the most wonderful gift life has ever given me.

10 months, minus 2 days

Lilli's 10 month birthday is in two days. It's unbelievable to me, as it is at every monthly birthday, how fast the past year has flown by without us even realizing it. Since my cousin just had her baby, I remember those first few weeks of this little blob of nothing. She was just this lump of skin and bones. The only personality is the one I mentally assigned to her in the womb, based only on her kicks and my emotions.

What makes me think is, was Lilli always this little spitfire of hamminess and smiles? So purposeful in her actions, with a side of funny. She has a very unique personality and very animated expressions thanks to Dad's distinct eyebrows. She's curious and funny, she has a bite to her that I remember from the days of rib-kicking. Did I assign this personality to her or did I always know who she was going to be? Do some mothers just "know" their child before they are born?

The only personality trait that surprised me, and it shouldn't, was her laid back approach to almost everything. She's like her dad in that way, just taking it in. I wonder how this wallflower with a big personality is going to end up.

And another developmental milestone, she's picking up on signs very quickly. While they're never right on, she watches me and attempts to copy almost every move. I've gotten so used to signing, sometimes I find myself signing to Dave without thinking. While it seems strange, it's helpful when she's sleeping. ;) (one more)