Toddler Bed: part 2

Once we finished making the crib adjustments and putting on her sheets, Lilli jumped into her "new big girl bed" and refused to leave for almost the entire day.  

  

Our plan was to start the move on Friday morning.  This way the first time in her new bed was a nap time and if it all fell to pieces we at least had a second chance that didn't involve losing eight hours of sleep.  She spent all day in her bed, playing and exploring.  I thought it would be cake since she was so excited for her new bed.  Well, nap time started off well, she went down quietly and I left the room. I watched her on the video monitor for a minute then decided to take the dog out for his afternoon walk.  When I came back in I heard her door knob jiggling and of course she had made a run for it.  Two and a half hours later, her nap time had passed and I had failed.  We were not giving up that easily.  

That night, she was so exhausted from skipping her nap she went right to sleep without a single problem. WOO! We had the rest of the weekend to work on naps, this was going to work out. I would not lose her nap completely, my job depends on it.  So the days passed and naps were getting harder. They became a stressful issue instead of becoming more comfortable as the days passed.  Both weekend naps resulted in being moved to the pack n' play. The first after two hours of trying and the second after only an hour.  

We didn't want it to become something she associated with stress, so if she got too upset and wouldn't stay in bed, we moved her to the pack n' play. She'd fall asleep with in 20 minutes and wake up like nothing happened.  I couldn't lose that nap, it's my most productive time of the day for working and it simply was not an option.  So, like with anything else that requires more than explanation, I made a plan that involved bribery.  

Monday morning, we got up early, got dressed and headed out the door before our normal time. We ran some errands and went to the store to buy poster board and stickers.  She walked around every store we visited and I made sure she got out as much energy as possible.  We got home and went to work on a sleeping chart.  Much like her potty chart (that's another blog for another time), she put a lot of hard work into  it and was very proud when we hung it up on her wall in her room.  For every successful nap, she got to pick a sticker and a piece of candy (just like potty successes).  We talked about her sticker chart and what it was used for all day long.  Right before nap time, I took her outside across the street to our complex's playground. It felt like 120 degrees outside but she didn't care.  She ran and played her heart out. I told her to "get your wiggles out!" To which she'd respond by shaking her body as hard as she could then running around.  We went in for juice and a snack, then stories.  It only took reminding her about the sticker chart and enticing her with some juice.  

She nearly fell asleep mid story, so I put her in her bed and reminded her once more.  "If you stay in your new big girl bed for your whole rest (we can't use the word nap), then you get a NEW (emphasis on the word new) sticker to put on your super cool sleeping chart!" I reminded her that when she woke up Daddy would come get her like every other day.  She was out in just a few minutes. Cheers were heard around my building.  

We haven't had a problem since. I've started a routine that is exhausting and extremely hot, but it works.  Every day we visit the park, she gets tired and tells me when she's ready for juice and stories.  She hardly ever gives me any issues and almost never leaves her bed without one of us present.  I'm not sure what we'll do on rainy days, but so far I've been lucky. 

It tears my heart out to see her grow so quickly. I took so many pictures of this process it was hard to choose which ones to share. I'm so proud of her and yet I wish she could have stayed in that crib forever.  Each time we take on a new challenge there's a new set of rules. She becomes more aware and able to express herself and we are forced to become more creative.  I always hesitate to write about these big challenges, hoping it wont jinx our accomplishments.  I consider this one a triumph.  Go team family.

"Song of the Entry"

Goodbye July by Hjaltalin

Toddler Bed: part 1

Once upon a time we had a newborn in a swaddle wrap, who slept (though that's not quite the word for what she did) next to our bed in an Amby Baby Sleeper.  She finally figured out how to unwrap the swaddle and turn herself over any way she pleased around four months.  She preferred her tummy, like most babies, so the next thing to do was drop the wrap.  From there we decided to flip her to her back over and over and over until she won the battle of wills.  And at six months we tried to move her to the crib, unsuccessfully. She ended up in the pack n' play for a few months while we went back and forth trying to figure out the best way to make the move.  We tried again at eight months and finally made the switch permanently right after her first birthday.

Our sleeping journey has been a long one with many trials and errors, online research, and plenty of advice from anyone who was willing to share.  The thing about the process of teaching a baby to sleep is that everyone has an opinion and usually it's a controversial one.  We have never been on one side or the other. We've tried every thing we could think of, including co-sleeping, to finally find something that worked for us.  And that is our stance. Whatever works for your family is the right choice.  At first, we were very nervous about her being in bed with us with SIDS being such a heavy weight on our minds.  So we attempted to go with the safer options. That is... until the the lack of sleep made my brain a little hazy and things got desperate.

Once the real exhaustion kicked in, after many many months of trying new things, I would have tried just about anything to make it through a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep.  We tried mixing some oatmeal or rice with a small bottle before bed to fill her up.  We tried tiring her out, staying up later, and strict routines.  At one point, we moved our bed into her room next to her crib.  That only ended in co-sleeping and getting less sleep than before we moved.  Honestly, I think the only thing that finally worked was being ready and committed to some sort of solution.  She was old enough to feel secure, her body was big enough to hold more food and sustain her until the morning, and we were more confident in our parenting.

Last night in her crib

Finally, we conquered the crib. She was in her own room and sleeping through the night. Then... she grew... and grew... and grew. She scaled the walls of her pack n' play in a fit of rage, landing on the floor in a thud heard around the apartment.  There were tears, many conversations about the "right time" to make the switch, and pillows now line the perimeter of her bed.  We did research, talked to friends and family, and even made a plan (complete with printouts).  Early one Friday morning, before Dad went off to work, we broke out our screw drivers and went to work.

"Song of the Entry"
My Fair Lady by Kelsey Brown

Sleep Dreams

Every night we go through a bedtime routine that lasts from a half an hour to an hour.  After her bath, teeth brushing, and her pj/diaper change, we start with a glass of milk.  On some nights there is a dance party complete with trance music and glow sticks thanks to the dollar section at Target!  It's our attempt at getting her tired out if she's a little more excitable before bedtime, usually due to sugary (ice) "cream!"  On other nights we go straight for stories which lasts as long as Lilli is interested. Since I typically am home alone during the day, I do naps by myself, so Dave usually reads most of the bedtime stories. She reads along to her favorites shouting the words she knows, we sing some of her favorite songs, and we can't go to the next step without the "Little Piggies" nursery rhyme and the "Hot Dog!" dance.

After all of the dancing, singing, and reading; we say goodnight to Daddy and Taz... and Linus, and Pop-pop and Ebony, and anyone else she can think of before Dave leaves the room.  Then I sit with her in my rocker and we listen to our favorite lullaby.  This is one of my favorite times of the day, we snuggle and just relax quietly in the dark.  It replaced nursing when she was weened and we never stopped.  She gets comfortable, flipping back and forth trying to find the best spot to "hide" on my lap.  She pulls the blanket over her head (which she does it in her sleep too no matter how many times we go in and move it) and we sing or hum along to our two favorite songs.

Up until now, I'd ask her if she was ready for bed after the end of each song.  Usually she will say "no" and I will tell her the next song is the last, then she goes down in her crib without much fuss.  Lately, she has told me when she was ready for bed, before I even ask, after two or three songs. It was exciting at first, I was thrilled she started to be a self motivated sleeper.

Then, she did something she has never done before tonight. We sat down, she got comfortable, we hummed and before the last verse of the first song she asked me "bed, glow-worm?" Of course, it pained me to give up our special quiet time before I was ready to say goodnight.  I couldn't very well stifle her independent stride, as much as I would have liked to hug her for another twenty minutes. I put her down in bed, I kissed her boo-boo (that is mostly healed) for the 400th time that day, gave Augie, Blanket, and Glow-worm a kiss, put on her monitor, one more boo-boo kiss, and closed the door behind me. Then I stood outside her door, while Dave was still outside taking Taz for his walk, not knowing what to do with myself.

While the independence of a toddler is always evolving and usually thrilling to see, it is heart breaking to watch her go off on her own without me.  Giving up our bedtime cuddle was another step away from that newborn that would only sleep in my arms, boob in mouth. After a year she was ready to go to bed in her own room, awake but not willing by any means.  Now, almost two years later, she tells me when she's ready for bed and puts herself to sleep.  I know that her life will be a constant, agonizing process of me letting her walk this world alone. I know that all I want for her is to be able to walk this world with confidence and independence. I know it will always break my heart to see her not need me for help through tough times.  I want her to know it will always make me proud no matter how sad it is for me to watch. I want her to know, no matter how independent she becomes, I will always be there if she has a bad dream, skins a knee, or needs a hug.

"Song of the Entry"
The Look by Color of Clouds

Sleep success

When she first slept through the night, I woke at the normal times she usually woke. Sometimes she'd be awake, but not upset. A few days later, I only woke up when she yelled loud enough to wake me. And unless something was truly wrong, she didn't start yelling for us until 6-7 a.m. When the yelling was more for play than for need, I turned the monitor down a little and slept through the night myself.

I hesitated to talk about it, in fear of jinxing myself or being overly confident in the test run. Here we are a few weeks later and she's sleeping through the night more consistently than either of us. I call it a sleep success for now.

We still are working on weening, but that's an entry for another day.

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Furniture by The Albertans

sleep!

The other day I sat in the rocker with my baby girl, trying to put her down for a nap. She was exhausted but refused to fall asleep in my arms, like every other day. I'm not proud of it, but as I'm sure I've said before, I don't think letting her scream her head off for hours on end is really the best route for us. This time, however, she was dead set against falling asleep. She'd doze in and out and then start crying at her frustration. I was still a little sick (ie: the blogging absence) and just couldn't figure out what to do. In my haze, I set her down in her crib and walked away for a few minutes to gather my thoughts.

She cried, but not the normal scream-until-she-chokes-on-her-own-tears crying. So after a few moments, I went in and said "Lilli, I know you're sleepy. If you need anything Mommy will be right outside. I love you, baby." I kissed her head, laid her down and walked away... leaving the door open and monitor on. I sat in the living room, with my fingers pinching the top of my nose, trying to figure out what to do next. I couldn't possibly nurse her anymore, it was making me sick to my stomach from the emptiness and sucking combination. I felt guilty and sad. Suddenly... she stopped... she was quiet.

I grabbed a mirror from the other room and sneakily wrapped it around the door frame... she was laying down... she wasn't even whimpering... What just happened?!? I gave it another few minutes to be sure, went in to check, holding my breath. She was asleep!!! She put her self to sleep! O.K... fluke... It had to be.

Last night, a day after the last time, she again nursed and was ready to get down and cry again. I knew she was sleepy, just not allowing herself to fall into slumber. This time Dave was home, for some reason this makes me feel more guilty for letting her cry. Like if it's hurting him as much as it hurts me, I have to make it stop for everyone's sake! He went outside to take care of our plants and I sat inside, fingers pinching my nose again. After 5 minutes, I went in to reassure her. Waited another 10 minutes and within 5 minutes she was fast asleep! It worked!!!

I'm not saying I'll give up the nurse-to-sleep yet, but I won't be a slave. I won't force her to sleep or stay awake until the nursing timing hits just right. She is capable of falling asleep on her own. She won't get sick or hurt from letting her cry for 15 minutes. As much as it pains me, it's for her benefit.

Today, she slept in. She didn't wake me much through the night and hopefully we'll continue down this path. Hooray for sleep!

the awful truth

When I was pregnant there was a long list of things we will never do with our baby. No TV, I had done research on it for a class project and concluded that quality time was better for baby's development. No co-sleeping, it's our bed not a family bed. No juice, sugar, or other things that make life grand.

Fast forward a year or so, here is the awful truth about my decisions. She has favorite characters and shows and can I get an hour or so of work or housework done during an already hectic day. She isn't any less loved or far behind in ters development. If anything she has learned a lot from these educational programs. They teach her colors, counting, logical thinking, music, social skills, and long list of other things that I don't believe do any harm. I admit that I look forward to watching shows with her most of the time. We sit and sing the songs, answer the character's audience questions, we talk about what is happening. So does that counter the quality time issue. For the sake of my guilt, I say yes.

Lilli make her way into our bed every night and I miss her when she isn't there next to me. I have been sleeping better and she isn't waking up in full on scream-mode every night. Dave and I both look forward to the morning when she cuddles up next to us before we start our days. We don't think it hurts our relationship, we find time for ourselves. Even if that means we look at nap time like the holy mecca of mommy/daddy time.

I will admit she drinks juice, I have snuck her a taste of my cherry ICEE, she has tasted sugar and I don't feel bad about it. These are the things that make being a kid so much fun. Looking forward to treats and sharing them with people you love. Besides, Dave and I have always been the "cakes and pies!" type couple, LONG before Lilli was in the picture.

There is this unspoken guilt that society (and over baring people) have inflicted on us to be secretive about what really goes on in your real life. So here is my awful truth, I love my daughter and she is a health and happy little girl. I will not feel the guilt anyone tries to place on me for my decisions on how to raise my family. To each their own, just leave ours alone.

bruises, bad men, and babies

Last night Lilli took a spill, as she tends to do now that she is walking. She fell and smacked the side of her head on a small piece of plastic sticking up on the play yard. As always, she rebounded quickly (except when Dad is more upset than anyone else in the room). We're reading up on the next few months in our What to Expect the First Year and we remembered that side head bumps are worse than front ones. As I was reading about different kinds of baby bashes, I started to remember the first time I was really scared after a major baby bump.

She has had a few serious bruises since starting to move. The first time she drew blood, she was cruising with a board book in hand, lost her balance and fell eye socket first into the side of the book. This could have been WAY more serious than it turned out to be. Needless to say board books are now no longer allowed in the play area.

She crawled off of the bed head first, twice... Once for me and once for Dave. Dave wasn't home when it happened to me and I never told him until... One weekend afternoon, she decided to crawl faster than he could react. When he felt so guilty and badly about it, I broke down and told him what happened to me.

There have been a number of scary sounding falls. Luckily, she's never had a concussion as far as I can tell. I know there will be many more serious bumps to come, at least it's just bumps and bashes not broken hearts. That one is going to be much harder to kiss all better. She's fine, by the way, barely a bruise.

With another sleepless night behind us, Dave and I discussed how to remedy the situation once again. This is probably the 10th or 500th time we've discussed/tried/researched this problem. We have two things on our side. One, it seems that she's not really that bad when you look at the "problem" sleepers. And two, almost every real-life parent I've talked to seems to agree with how we feel about our options.

Since there are a few philosophies on how to sleep train your baby, we've become pretty lost. First of all, "sleep train" sounds like boot camp. Second, Ferber must have a heart made of steal if he could ever listen to his child scream for his attention for over an hour and not want to break down the walls with his bare fists. No child, ever, in the history of time, has ever, ever cried so hard and so loud for a simple comforting hug. There is no way in hell a 9 month old should ever cry like that and not be consoled. Ever. Ever. I'll settle for the occasional sleepless night and the knowledge that my baby is being loved to sleep over heart wrenching screams that literally bring me to the brink of insanity.

And Finally... Breaking News! Last night, Baby Henrik Jax was born into our family to my cousin Britt and her main dude Matt. Congratulations to everyone!