Baby Mine

Ever since Lilli was born, I've sung/hummed/played the song Baby Mine from Dumbo, as a lullaby to her when ever she's going to sleep or just needed a good quiet hug.  Sometimes it would be a few weeks before she wanted to hear it again, but she always remembers it as her favorite snuggle song.  I'm not sure why I picked that song as "our" song, but it just came to mind when she was born and it has always felt perfect.

This afternoon, I showed Lilli a video of the memorable scene.  When it ended, she looked at me with a tearful expression and asked "what happened to mommy?" She started to cry, I started to cry. I didn't know what to say. I was so caught off guard, I couldn't come up with the words to explain it.  I was sad, that scene had so much meaning to me, more now as a mother, than it did when I was a kid.

When I finally caught up with my thoughts I blurted out between sobs, "it's ok! Dumbo learns to fly with his ears and saves his mommy!" She looked at me, sobbing still too, and said "Dumbo cry cause he misses his mommy?" Yes, I told her, sometimes Dumbo cries when he misses his mommy.  To help her understand that we all have emotions, even bad ones, I tell her it's o.k. to feel bad sometimes.  And it's a good thing to understand the bad feelings just as much the good ones.  It's important for her to know that life isn't all roses and daffodils all the time.  And she stopped crying.  We decided to watch it later together and watch the full movie.

Later, as I was getting her ready and tucking her in, she said to me "It's ok, sometimes. Sometimes, Dumbo cry cause he misses his mommy... Sometimes." It made my heart ache a little, seeing her grow up so fast, understanding so much. It makes me a little sad that she's old enough to see the world for what it really is... how hard life is, and sometimes.... sometimes, it is just sad.

Update: We watched the movie and Dave came home to us curled up sobbing together.  After it was over, we had a long talk about Dumbo being sad from missing his mommy.  And how he and his mommy were together again so he wasn't sad anymore.  Because "Sometimes we get sad."

The Hole

It's become somewhat of a tradition, with our many trips to the beach recently, to dig the best hole ever. We've been going every other week or two, trying to out run the oil washing up on the Florida coastline.  It's so sad to think that she, most likely. not remember the beaches of Florida the way it is now.  Worse yet, that this ecosystem is going to dramatically change for the worse over her lifetime. We've been going to all of the beaches we've always wanted to see, our favorites, and even ones we haven't visited in a very long time.  Hoping to at least have some photos to show her, when she's older, of what it was like when she was a kid.

Once we're set up, Dave and Lilli go to work on digging a hole.

Love. 

"Song of the Entry" 

Hermit (F.Y.P. Cover) by Dios Malos

Caacakes!

Working at home has it's advantages and disadvantages.  Most of the time I'm able to schedule a morning activity before lunch.  Lilli takes a late nap, between 2 and 4 p.m., and sleeps from two to three hours.  I get the majority of my work done during those hours. And what ever is left over, I finish once Dave comes home.  Although we go out about three times a week, some days it's just too hot, I'm too tired, it's raining, I have work to do, the house needs to be cleaned, or I just don't feel like spending the two hours trying to get out the door just to turn around an hour later.  When we do have to stay inside, I always feel so guilty.  Most of the time I try and find a few fun activities to keep her entertained inside.  We color, trace our body parts and name them, paint our toenails, or do the laundry together (her choice to help not mine).  We build forts or fill up the baby pool on our patio until she dumps too much water out and it starts to pour on our downstairs neighbor's patio.  And some delicious days, we bake.  

Lilli loves to help to stir the batter, taste test the frosting and most of all enjoys the fruits of her labor.

"Song of the Entry" 

Another Noon by Jon and Roy

Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers

A weekend morning walk with the family.

The haul.

Evening Walks

Summer time is here!

Almost every night, after dinner, the four of us go for a walk around our complex. 

It's one of Lilli's favorite things to do and immediately after dinner is finished, she repeats "walk?" over and over until we head out the door.  

 Recently she decided she was ready to walk Taz by herself.   

When we remember to bring some old bread or stale crackers, we feed the ducks.  They are pretty comfortable around us and Lilli can walk about two feet away before they start to waddle away. 

 Some nights it takes 15 minutes... other nights, when it starts to get dark, we have to bribe her to come home with ice cream. As soon as you say the word "cream" Lilli takes off towards home.  

Hiking on her own

Over the past two years, we took walks in the park with a child strapped to our chest or steering clear of unpaved roads and using a stroller.  My back couldn't wait to have her walking on her own, it's tough hiking with an extra 15 pounds strapped to your front in 85+ degree weather. She was barely aware of, let alone able to participate in, her surroundings in the past.  When we took our first hike of the year, it was surprising to watch her explore without any assistance or regard to our whereabouts.

As we walked through the nature trails of one of our favorite parks, she talked about the trees, the leaves, the mud, the snakes ("Sssss!"), and the bugs (or bees as she kept calling them).

She walked ahead of us, she walked behind us, she was in her own world.  It was incredible to see such a difference from one year ago.  I suppose the fact that she's mastered walking (and running) had a lot to do with it, but still, it's incredible to see.

The only difficulties she came across were small bridges over water (which was more our trust issues than her issues) and roots sticking up in the path.   When we saw a big root coming up we'd all shout "root!" and by the end of the walk she mastered hills, roots, and mud.  She was hiking like pro.

Although it was wonderful to watch our little girl take on the great big world all by herself, I have to admit it stung a little to see her embrace her independence.  Sure she has started to dress and undress herself, she can put her shoes on (and off) on her own, she is starting to take on stairs (up and down) while we stand by nervously, but it's sad to watch her need us less and less.

We had a great day, despite the last 15 minutes that she quit walking and would only settle for "Mommy!" to hold her. Passing on something we have always really enjoy doing together and sharing it with her in a new ways was totally worth the back pain.

"Song of the Entry"

Paper Planes (cover) by The Da Vincis

Santa

We debated whether or not to take Lilli to see Santa for a few weeks. We went through a variety of excuses before we decided that we couldn't be responsible for her missing out on some of the essential traditions of being a kid. Visiting Santa is something I remembered doing as a kid and thought it was our duty as parents to include Lilli in this cultural custom.

(Trying on her Santa hat, she was in tears moments before this photo was taken)

So we dressed the little one in her Christmas dress, packed a bag of snacks and books, and headed over to the dreaded mall. We got there an hour before the end of Santa's break, so we stood at the end of a very long line of restless children and grumpy parents. I took her around the mall while Dave stood in line, we passed her back and forth trying to keep her entertained, and even bribed her content with snacks and dippin' dots ice cream.

We stood in line for two hours, and in comparison to some of the children in line, she was happy and very well behaved. Other children were crying, fighting, and destroying anything in their way. Some parents were threatening their children, other's grabbing them by their arms, yelling at them to calm down. We stood quietly, singing songs and pointing out words she did not know. At one point towards the end of our journey, Dave held her and I read her a book while a few kids gathered nearby watched over our shoulder. And then we were at the velvet rope, waving to Santa and Mrs. Claus and saying "ho, ho, ho!"

Unfortunately, that is the end of this happy story. Of course a 15 month old wants nothing to do with a grumpy, sweaty stranger a full costume. She screamed the second Dave put her down, she refused to sit on his lap and instead we got a quick picture while she stood next to them looking at mom instead of the camera.

Afterwards, I felt exhausted and found myself wondering whether this is a tradition we want to include in our family's future. Sure, it is one that I have in my memory, but Santa was also played by a family member or close family friend. Maybe next year we'll reconsider our decision to follow the cultural norms. She would have been happier to share some ice cream with us and walk around somewhere new. Next year she may be able to express her interest, or lack there of, and instead we will spend some quality time together not cattle herded into a line of screaming kids and angry parents.

Perhaps we'll change our mind when the spirit of the holidays takes over our brains and convinces us that we must participate in all that the season has to offer. Maybe next year my guilt of keeping her from the every day joys (and grief) of being a kid will overtake my sensibility and she will have a 2010 photo of her standing next to Santa looking the opposite direction of everyone else. Either way, she still steals our hearts no matter how the picture turns out.

Happy Holidays!

"Song of the Entry"

Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

(song picked by Lilli)

Crock pot recipes

Of all the recipes I have tried, this one is the most dear to my heart. It's a variation of my grandmother's famous meatballs. Well... famous in my family. It's the main reason I wanted to have a slow cooker.

She made hers with ground beef and at the end mixed everything in a huge stock pot with spaghetti. It was the last dinner I had with her before we moved. It's the meal that my cousin, Jessi, and I talk about when we reminisce about or favorite sleepover nights when we stayed up late, played Gin and ate coffee ice cream. It is quite literally made with love and I think that's what makes it my absolute favorite of all time dinner.

Mom-mom's meatballs a'la Carrie

1 lb of ground chicken
1 egg
1/2 cup of milk
3 tbps of minced onion
1/4 tsp of cayenne pepper
3/4 of salt
pepper
garlic powder
oregano
bread crumbs
tomato sauce

-In a bowl mix ground meat, egg, milk, 1/2 cup of bread crumbs, seasoning
-Allow to sit for an hour so the bread crumbs absorb the liquid
-In the slow cooker, place the meatballs in the tomato sauce so that the tops are covered
-Cook on low for 6 hours

Serve with your favorite pasta and best smile. :)



To my daughter's namesake:
Thank you for feeding us all of your love. I was always full.
Love,
me.

"Indie Song of the Entry"
Sons & Daughters by The Nest

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is an event but more than that it's a spirit of the season. Some may say that it begins when the leaves change or when the kids go back to school. For me, Fall begins when we hang up the decorations and plan out our costumes. When we drag that big tub out of the closet and sort through the different holiday decorations, it marks the beginning of another year of traditions and togetherness.

The morning of Halloween started off full of excitement and energy. After some breakfast, Lilli tried on just the hood of her costume. We didn't want her to get tired of it early and miss out on the nighttime fun. So we gave her a mirror for her to checked herself out.



She walked around making elephant noises and playing in the mirror for a good part of the morning.



After we ran some weekend errands, we came home to get ready. Even at night, after a long hot day in October, it was entirely too warm to be in full costume. We tried to dress her light and hoped for the best. After we suited up we took some pictures and headed out.





She was strapped into her car seat and the A/C was on full blast, we went to a friend's house for a bit before heading to another friend's house. After second the trip across town, Lilli started to show signs of a soon-to-be meltdown. Maybe it was the heat, maybe she was tired of sitting in a car seat, but whatever triggered the waterworks, it was clear the night out was over. We skipped out on the mall trick or treating and opted to head home to relax instead of trying to force Lilli to enjoy herself.

When we got home we had a record total of two trick or treaters that were lucky enough to get our entire bag of candy (minus a few pieces of me). Since it was still early, we decided to played with our costumes for a while before bath and bedtime.



So many people look at these holiday seasons as one day, ignoring everything leading up to and following the specific date on a calendar. If I were to look at things that way, it may seem like Halloween wasn't all it could have been. However, I choose to look at all of the things we did in honor of the day itself. When I see things as a whole instead of a fraction of it's parts, I feel like we had a very successful second Halloween. Score. :)

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Skeleton Man by Evangelicals

Halloween part 5

Aside from the great pumpkin of 2007, that lived from September to early May un-carved on our kitchen counter, we usually carve pumpkins every year. We search high and low for the perfect pumpkin to mutilate and destroy. The one good thing that came out of the Boo Fest was that it was a hydroponic farm and their pumpkins were incredible. The most beautiful orange coloring, hardly any marks or damage, and perfect for carving.

Lilli was a little apprehensive about the whole thing. In order to keep her interested, we gave her some markers and crayons to decorate her pumpkin from the Soho festival.



Then we got started on the perfect-for-carving pumpkin:



Lilli wasn't too happy about gutting her new toy:



But when it was all over, she seemed to really enjoy the end product:



Our best pumpkin carving yet*:



*The cat design was chosen because it is Lilli's favorite animal of the week

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Fool by Heidi Happy

Halloween part 4

We had no idea what to expect this Halloween. I had never had to entertain a toddler without the help of a handful of older siblings to take them trick or treating. Times are different now... We don't have a tight knit family community that we grew up in to parade her around. She's the first grandchild, so there are no older cousins or siblings to drag her around establishing old traditions in a new generation. It's too dangerous and kind of pointless (given that she doesn't eat candy) to take her door to door in our neighborhood. Our experiences proved to be very unhelpful...

We spent a lot of time trying to find something to do for Halloween. We researched and investigated festivals, parties, pumpkin patches (a rare find in Florida), and kid-friendly events. Unfortunately, kid-friendly does not mean toddler friendly. We wanted to find things that would be fun for her but festive and different from the day to day. At first we had a hard time finding something suitable. Then, as Halloween drew near, the calendar began to fill up with plenty of (what seemed like) fun things to do.

First, a small festival in the Soho area of town. It was crowded and the parent-to-kid ratio was in favor of parents socializing and drinking expensive coffee. While older kids ran amuck (I hope someone gets the Hocus Pocus reference), the younger bunch stood in a long line to have their picture taken with clowns on stilts. There was a toy store, filled to the brim with toddlers playing with a train set in the back. A perfect place to let Lilli enjoy some freedom and finally be allowed to interact with her surroundings instead of just being a spectator. She had enough of being carried and swung her legs around to get down, booting a poor little girl in the head. After ensuring the little girl was unharmed, Lilli toddled over to play area. Parents hoovered over their little ones, watching warily as the kids attempted to share (and by share I mean steal each other's objects). One mother took her baby away when the crowd go too much, mumbling something about her child not being a stable walker yet. I could swear she gave me a dirty look...

Then, when the crowd started to clear, Lilli was left with a little boy and his fancy-pants parents. They commented about Lilli's candy corn hat, to which I responded with the story of how she wouldn't take it off in the store. Then I made my social-economic mistake "It was a dollar at Target! How could I say no?!" So proud of my find... Well... this is Soho... Dollar deals are not nearly as impressive to the fancy-pants as it would be to a typical mom. After a polite/mocking smile, they quickly engaged in a private conversation about the expensive gifts they planned to buy their toddler. We made one last loop around the festival and hit the road... without a single picture and feeling a little out of our element.

Next, The Boo Fest at a farm about a half an hour from our house. We thought it'd be fun for her to see a farm. Some cows, horses, maybe a field of pumpkins or other vegetation. It had to be better than the Soho fest... Well, they had pumpkins...



After the farm-bust we had planned to take her to a party at Gymboree. The Pumpkin Patch Party was an hour and a half of toddler madness.



Lilli got to decorate a pumpkin and show off her dancing skills. She hammed it up when the entire room of parents watched this tiny girl dance like a pro. She rolled around, went up and down slides, climbed over and under and through, and even got to eat a sugar cookie at a big kid table with the rest of the kids.





Finally! Something that she could enjoy without being carted around and held back from interacting because of rough kids and engrossed parents not paying attention to their own kids, let alone mine. The parents were understanding of "toddler sharing" and the kids not really getting the concept of personal space. There were no awkward situations, no one smiling politely, we hardly felt out of place at all.


Most importantly, she had a great time.



"Indie Song of the Entry"

All Nothing by The Good China

Halloween part 3

Once I had ordered her costume, it was time to start decorating and getting into the spirit. We placed the tiny fake pumpkins around the house, hung up the mummy on our door, and put the scarecrows out on our patio. Lilli was scared of some of decor at first... now we have to say hello to every single scarecrow we see. When her costume arrived, I let her check it out on her own:



Now if only we had something to do or somewhere to go...

"Indie Song of the Entry"

How Now by Get Set Go

Halloween part 2

The first thing I had to do was find a costume for Lilli. She went as a pumpkin last year because she was too tiny for most of the costumes. I'll admit, not my most creative choice. I would make up for it this year.

There's no denying she has an opinion. If I was going to pick something, she had to at least make the final call. It was down to two choices:

The Hippo or the Elephant:



I was pulling for the Hippo. After some obvious consideration, she had made her decision:



"Indie Song of the Entry"

Machine by Anni Rossi

Halloween part 1

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday (if you can call it that) ever since I was very young. My mom always made a big deal about all holidays, but Halloween was a production. I always looked forward to the start of the holiday season, the big box of Halloween decorations, and especially the smell of Fall even if it was just the Pavlov response to all of the sugar rushes to come.

In elementary school we used to trick or treat in my grandparent's neighborhoods. We would visit their houses for candy and pictures. Then we'd go to the houses from my mom's childhood, her friend's parents who still lived on that street (and quite a few still do). We would visit a haunted house that was owned by friends of my step-grandparents. We would walk around tight knit communities where everyone watched us grow up.

By middle school we had moved to the suburbs and were gaining some freedom. We were allowed to trick or treat unattended and were lucky enough to expand our damage to those of our friend's neighborhoods. We had early curfews, had to check in often, and I'm pretty sure some of the parents stalked us a little in their cars (something I can now completely relate to doing). We sang show tunes and ate all of our favorite candies before we even got home. When we finished, we would sit around in a HUGE circle, dump our haul, then organize into each candy. Then we'd make trades as we sat around talking way too fast, about the people we saw along the way and started planning next year.

Last year was a blur. Not that Lilli would have noticed, but I was not in my element as usual because of being a new parent and the whole almost dying thing. This year I was ready. But what to do as a parent of a toddler... This is uncharted territory.



"Indie Song of the Entry"

Dance Dance Dance by Lykke Li

Remembering through photos

We take a lot of pictures and videos of our "kids" (human and animal) and the places we visit. There are a few reasons for the dedication to documentation of our lives.

First, and most importantly, Lilli's life is flashing by us at such a fast speed that we want to try to recall as many memories as we are capable. It is amazing how quickly short term memories become just a flash of the past to be forgotten, our minds are just not able to retain so much information over a lifetime. Those memories are more likely to become long term ones if they're recorded and reviewed. Additionally, we'd like to be able to look back from time to time, reminisce about how tiny she was and how fast she changed. She has already grown and developed into the person she will some day become. It's alarming how quickly time has already passed by us over the past year. She changes daily, literally.

The second reason is for our family, who lives more than a few hours away. They would have missed out on the key aspects of her personality if it was not for videos of her dancing, singing, and playing. While it may seem excessive to some people, we get a lot grief when new pictures and videos are not posted quickly enough for them. And to be completely honest, we're more than happy to provide our family with more pictures than they have time to see.

Lastly, the most personal of reasons, I love pictures. Love them. Love love love love pictures. I could look at pictures for days. I love to look at them, I get excited when I order prints of pictures I've already seen, I look at almost every picture posted by my family and friends. And why the hell not? Pictures are the stories of our lives. Our story is one worth commemorating and documenting.

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Dreaming Of The Plum Trees by White Hinterland

road trip!

We are soon departing on the most intense road trip of our lives. Another tradition I hope to become a staple of our family. We were a road-tripping couple and I hope to be a road-tripping family. I have lists that could seriously put me in the running for "best list keeper of all time." We have tried to anticipate anything we could imagine, yet we feel completely unprepared. A reminder of the days right before Lilli was born.

It's funny how that feeling of control in our parenting goes from completely stable to erratic in a matter of moments. These are the moments that will define us as parents. I look forward to the challenge and expect us to find our way home again like we always have done.

Hopefully I will come back with some words of wisdom and stories of experiences we had in our adventure. Here's to hoping.

Side note: Good luck to my brother, Dan, and sister-in-law, Becki. They're fast approaching the family shift of +1. You guys will do great.

traditions

When I was little, my mom used to take us to the fireworks down at the Art Museum or Penn's Landing in Philly. We would watch them all together after walking miles from the car in the hot, garbage-smelling city. Some times my aunt and uncle would come with their kids too, totaling 8 kids at times. The kids would cry for glow necklaces and junk food, the parents yelled to stay together and hold hands crossing the street, and everyone was mad at each other for some reason or another. That is until the beautiful lights in the sky distracted us from the aggravation of family time in the big crowds of the city. Then suddenly, as if by magic, all the negativity lifted and we would all sit together on an itchy, ugly (sorry mom), red wool blanket from the car. And afterward, we would go get ice cream and everyone would go home happy.

Today, I still tear up at the sight of fireworks (and rainbows). Now that we have a family of our own, we've made an attempt to start making our own family memories. Granted, it's only been 10 months of creation so I guess in all technicality, they're not traditions until we do it more than once... But this is the foundation for our future.

This year we are going to attempt to see some fireworks, that start past her bedtime, and then we'll go get some frozen yogurt. (One month and two weeks until ice cream!!!). I'm nervous to see whether she holds her ears and cry like Nick, point and smile like Jessi and I, or fall asleep in the car before we even make it out of the car like Tyler. I think even if Dave and I end up eating ice cream in the parking lot while she sleeps, we'll feel as if we started our own traditions.

From this year forth, we're creating her childhood memories. Maybe some day Lilli will talk about the memory of our family spending time smooshed on an itchy blanket watching the beautiful light show in the sky.