More times than I'd like, the topic of #2 has come up. As most moms can tell you, as soon as you're engaged, everyone wants to know the wedding date. As soon as you're married, when do you plan to start a family (as if getting married isn't starting a family). When you have the first, less than a year later, when is #2?
I will once again, adamantly, express how completely and totally unready I (we) am (are) for a second. I would like to spend as much time as I possibly can getting to know my first baby before having to commit my body and life to another. I feel like our adventure has just begun, I'd like to enjoy that before sharing it with another child.
When I think about #2, I think about how different pregnancy will be for me. For Dave... For Lilli... Not only we we have a clear idea of what is going to happen, we are scared to death because of our past history. It's more fear of what we know than of what we do not this time. I think, not knowing what was truly happening at the time, made me more able to handle our situation.
Last time, my ignorance was a blessing. Now, I am jaded to the experience. I look forward to doing it again... SOMEDAY. Next time, without the feeling like jumping into the water without knowing if it's cold or not. Unfortunately, knowing that it's potentially life threatening... If not possible, probable.
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Looking back
When I was pregnant with Lilli I had plenty of strange and vivid pregnancy dreams. Once I dreamt that Ben Affleck was coming to get me because I had evidence that he killed J. Lo... Seriously... I woke up a little scared of Ben Affleck.
I had two notably vivid dreams, one about the baby that was growing inside of me and the other was a nightmare. Like most vivid pregnancy dreams, I chalked it up to hormones. (I mean, come on... Holden McNeil wouldn't do that.)
The first one took place at my grandparent's house, the one place that is the center of all of our lives. I was standing in the dining room with my family and a little girl who looked JUST like me, about two years old with glasses, stood beside me. At the time we didn't know the sex of the baby, but I felt like my body/mind was telling me something. Although, I chose to ignore it.
The second one was scary... I was leaving someone's house in a not-so-nice area of Philly and trying to put the baby in the car. I felt uneasy and nervous the whole time, like someone was watching me. Suddenly, someone came up to the car and tried to carjack us. When I tried to protect the baby, BANG! I was shot in the head...
Right?!? Scary stuff! The dream literally went black. Like a light shut off. And I woke up in such a panic, it seemed so real, the light going off... that had never happened in my dreams before. It was like the end of the film abruptly ran out. And now I wonder if it was telling me something about what was to come at her birth...
Sometimes it scares me to think that I may have predicted something yet to come. Either way... looking back, it still makes me uneasy and once in a while I have to turn off a Ben Affleck flick.
I had two notably vivid dreams, one about the baby that was growing inside of me and the other was a nightmare. Like most vivid pregnancy dreams, I chalked it up to hormones. (I mean, come on... Holden McNeil wouldn't do that.)
The first one took place at my grandparent's house, the one place that is the center of all of our lives. I was standing in the dining room with my family and a little girl who looked JUST like me, about two years old with glasses, stood beside me. At the time we didn't know the sex of the baby, but I felt like my body/mind was telling me something. Although, I chose to ignore it.
The second one was scary... I was leaving someone's house in a not-so-nice area of Philly and trying to put the baby in the car. I felt uneasy and nervous the whole time, like someone was watching me. Suddenly, someone came up to the car and tried to carjack us. When I tried to protect the baby, BANG! I was shot in the head...
Right?!? Scary stuff! The dream literally went black. Like a light shut off. And I woke up in such a panic, it seemed so real, the light going off... that had never happened in my dreams before. It was like the end of the film abruptly ran out. And now I wonder if it was telling me something about what was to come at her birth...
Sometimes it scares me to think that I may have predicted something yet to come. Either way... looking back, it still makes me uneasy and once in a while I have to turn off a Ben Affleck flick.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
The Long and Short
Instead of writing a long blog about what has happened, repeating myself for about the 300th time... Here is the short version.
On 8/16 Dave and I went to the Drive-in and saw a bad movie. I had some nachos and some contractions in the car. They were about 20 mins apart and I thought nothing of it. Came home, stayed up later than usual to watch some cartoons, went to bed. Woke up at 2:30 a.m. by some strange breeze over me... I guess I lost my (grossest word ever) plug. At 4:30 my water broke. Here it goes...
Admitted at 6:30 a.m., she popped out at 1:17 p.m., and when I say pop, I mean pop. Literally, she came out fast and uneventful. Everything went wonderfully, she screamed, she got 9's on her Apgars, she was beautiful.
As I laid there waiting for my placenta to deliver, things started to look darker and darker. The placenta wouldn't deliver... I was rushed into surgery, then things went like this: surgery number one, two blood transfusions, almost died, wouldn't clot, crazy radiology procedure, lots of morphine, four days in the hospital, lots of visitors, and then exhaustion for days on end.
It didn't really occur to me that I could have died until a week and a half later. My mom, who usually plays down health issues, made an emotional comment about how she thought she was going to lose me. It finally hit home... if my mom was worried, it had to be bad. It was... my blood wasn't clotting... the procedure they did in radiology was new. They said that I may have fertility problems later. But to be honest during the entire thing, my only concern was to not have anything interrupt the possibility of breastfeeding. I just kept saying "don't give her any supplements, don't put me under, don't give her a pacifier." I spent the entire time trying to remain calm because they made a comment about how it might make it better. Plus I had to stay tough for Dave, who was about to lose his mind.
He stood there for over four hours holding his new daughter, not knowing what was going on. He was beside himself, didn't make or answer phone calls.
It was scary. It's over now... I have to take iron pills twice a day, I won't be back to normal for months. The baby, now known as Lilliana Mae, is doing great. She changes almost every single day. She's strong and adorable.
More to come another day... Just had to update for myself.
On 8/16 Dave and I went to the Drive-in and saw a bad movie. I had some nachos and some contractions in the car. They were about 20 mins apart and I thought nothing of it. Came home, stayed up later than usual to watch some cartoons, went to bed. Woke up at 2:30 a.m. by some strange breeze over me... I guess I lost my (grossest word ever) plug. At 4:30 my water broke. Here it goes...
Admitted at 6:30 a.m., she popped out at 1:17 p.m., and when I say pop, I mean pop. Literally, she came out fast and uneventful. Everything went wonderfully, she screamed, she got 9's on her Apgars, she was beautiful.
As I laid there waiting for my placenta to deliver, things started to look darker and darker. The placenta wouldn't deliver... I was rushed into surgery, then things went like this: surgery number one, two blood transfusions, almost died, wouldn't clot, crazy radiology procedure, lots of morphine, four days in the hospital, lots of visitors, and then exhaustion for days on end.
It didn't really occur to me that I could have died until a week and a half later. My mom, who usually plays down health issues, made an emotional comment about how she thought she was going to lose me. It finally hit home... if my mom was worried, it had to be bad. It was... my blood wasn't clotting... the procedure they did in radiology was new. They said that I may have fertility problems later. But to be honest during the entire thing, my only concern was to not have anything interrupt the possibility of breastfeeding. I just kept saying "don't give her any supplements, don't put me under, don't give her a pacifier." I spent the entire time trying to remain calm because they made a comment about how it might make it better. Plus I had to stay tough for Dave, who was about to lose his mind.
He stood there for over four hours holding his new daughter, not knowing what was going on. He was beside himself, didn't make or answer phone calls.
It was scary. It's over now... I have to take iron pills twice a day, I won't be back to normal for months. The baby, now known as Lilliana Mae, is doing great. She changes almost every single day. She's strong and adorable.
More to come another day... Just had to update for myself.
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