1st vs 2nd

More times than I'd like, the topic of #2 has come up. As most moms can tell you, as soon as you're engaged, everyone wants to know the wedding date. As soon as you're married, when do you plan to start a family (as if getting married isn't starting a family). When you have the first, less than a year later, when is #2?

I will once again, adamantly, express how completely and totally unready I (we) am (are) for a second. I would like to spend as much time as I possibly can getting to know my first baby before having to commit my body and life to another. I feel like our adventure has just begun, I'd like to enjoy that before sharing it with another child.

When I think about #2, I think about how different pregnancy will be for me. For Dave... For Lilli... Not only we we have a clear idea of what is going to happen, we are scared to death because of our past history. It's more fear of what we know than of what we do not this time. I think, not knowing what was truly happening at the time, made me more able to handle our situation.

Last time, my ignorance was a blessing. Now, I am jaded to the experience. I look forward to doing it again... SOMEDAY. Next time, without the feeling like jumping into the water without knowing if it's cold or not. Unfortunately, knowing that it's potentially life threatening... If not possible, probable.