5 years time

Lilli is tackling one challenge after another.  She is daring, adventurous, and curious even when it's not at her best interest. At times it's difficult to watch her struggle and not intervene to show her the way to go about something she is working on. She needs to learn how to figure things out on her own.  From her perspective, whatever it is she is struggling with, is the mountain she must climb. From learning a new word, to walking up stairs, to even simply trying to tell us what she needs or wants.  It's important that we let her try things herself, then help when we're asked.  These are the trials that will define who she will become in her life.  In life there are so many of these mountains to climb, it's important that she learns how to do things on her own, these monumental struggles are familiar to us.  


We moved to Florida 5 years ago this week. That day we packed our 17 foot moving truck filling it with our college furniture, too many boxes of things that would disappear over the years, our memories, and our lives up until that day (minus my bike that "would never fit").  Around 3 a.m., we said goodbye to two friends who decided to see us off at such a ridiculous hour.  We packed up Taz (who was only supposed to stay with us for the summer) and Sneakers (my chinchilla).  We drank some caffeine and drove away from my mom's house where we'd been staying for 8 months. 


It was scary. We left with few job prospects, enough in the bank to keep us afloat for a few months, an apartment we found online that we had never seen before and no experience with living so far away from our families and friends.  We had no idea of what we wanted out of life, but I knew Florida was the way to get there. It was all I could think about the two years leading up to that road trip.  So I convinced Dave to come with me on an adventure and away we drove.  


Twenty-four hours of driving non-stop with our car hitched to the back later, we arrived at a friend's house at in the wee hours of the morning.  Our key wouldn't be accessible until the next morning.  We slept for a few hours then got stuck in the K-turn from hell in his parking lot before arriving to our first apartment together as a couple.  I cut my finger on the hitch (a scar I look at often) trying to figure out how in the world to do a U-turn in a truck with a car attached, it took us at least an hour and a half to pull out.  


Then, finally, we arrived, opened the apartment door and took the longest sigh of relief since we had left.  Those two people that unloaded that truck on their own seem like two people from a movie to me now.  I can see them, watch their struggle, but it hardly seems like it was once our lives.  


We found jobs, Dave is still at the one he found only after a few weeks down here.  After about 4 awful temp jobs, finally I found a job I didn't have to quit. We weren't making much, we missed our families and friends, and it was really hot. I spent the first six months crying every other day, thinking we'd have to turn around and go back with our heads in our hands, the model of failure. Then something happened.... Time passed, we changed. We grew. We overcame obstacles, survived tropical storms, and took trips "home" every year until "home" was not our home anymore.  We missed weddings, births, deaths, and other major events in our family's lives.  Instead, we grew our own garden of a life here.


We lost our beloved Sneakers after a few months, she didn't take well to the new surroundings.  A few months after Taz extended his stay, he chose an orange kitten from a shelter we named Linus.  I found a wonderful job at UT where people made me feel like family.  Dave got his real estate license, I went back to school for a while.  We became a part of a community of people.  We overcame the idea of who we were and became who we are now.  

Five years later... we're parents. A role that overshadows all of the challenges we had to face to get to this point.  It's our job to let Lilli take her turn at living.  Thinking about her adventures to be had, made me realize how far we've come.  So much has changed since sitting in a moving truck outside a suburban New Jersey house that belonged to one of our parents with our punk rock posters rolled up in the back and my bike sitting in the driveway. When I ask myself, if I could, would I do it differently? I wouldn't change a thing.  Except... maybe I would have brought my bike, it totally would have fit. 


"Song of the Entry"


Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time

And though a million of these moments are just in my head
I’ll be thinking about families an’ lying in bed
And ya know that I believe it might not even come true
But in my mind I’m having a pretty good time with you.

Oh, Five years time
I might not know you,
In Five Years Time
We might not speak at all and
In Five Years Time
We might not get along
In Five Years Time
You might just prove me wrong.

Oh there’ll be,
Love Love Love
Wherever you go, There’ll be
Love Love Love