My life is not always fun kid activities and watching the flowers grow. I feel like it's important to share this so that other people know it's alright to get down sometimes. When I get depressed, I become overly sensitive and introspective. I forget how to express myself to other people when I have negative feelings. I don't share my misery, I bottle it up, hide it and pretend like I'll get over it in time for anyone to notice.
A few months went by, things got worse and poor Dave was on the receiving end of my storm. (Thanks by the way, you were amazing to stick through everything with me, even when there was nothing we could do.) We spent the holidays with family instead of on our own like how we usually do things. Though it eased my problems for a day or two, the main issue was still there simmering away. I became obsessed with trying to move closer to our families, thinking that would solve all of my problems. I forgot about all of the hard work we put into getting to this point, living on our own terms down here in Florida. I slowly let people in, dropping hints that I wasn't doing as well as I had been letting on. (Thanks to those few people that lent me an ear when I didn't think anyone wanted to hear about it.) Letting people in when things aren't peachy is something I have to work on. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, so the problems become bigger and harder to deal with on my own.
Saying I hit rock bottom isn't really fair to people that really hit a rock bottom. I did, however, reach a point where I knew I had to change something for my mental well-being to get any better. There were a few things that I could do, even if they weren't going to solve any of the many problems I had created for myself.
- Exercise. It's good for the mind, plus I had two major formal events coming up and I had to start somewhere.
- Eat better. While being sad, eating junk food, and watching sad movies is great for wallowing... It was counter-productive to where I needed to be.
- Focus on the problems I could work on, instead of the huge ones I couldn't change.
I have things to talk about again. Stories to tell. Times to share. The blog is back. I promise to try and share the bad times along with the good ones. It's only fair to share both, if only for my own mental well-being. The mask has been lifted.
PS: Anyone who has something not-so-nice to say about this blog, my family, or our parenting style, stop reading. This is a place to love, share and build, not to tear down and hurt.
