Jack and Oswald

When Lilli started calling herself Oswald, we thought it was adorable, hilarious, and creative. Then, when she named us characters from her favorite show, we thought it was pretty interesting how committed she was to this play. So, we played along for the most part, letting our worries just simmer close to the surface.  We told ourselves it was her imagination and we needed to let her roll with it.

She was completely committed to this cast of characters, hysterics flew when we didn't oblige.  She'd fall to the floor screaming if we didn't act our parts and give in to the constant requests for her to be called Oswald. Tears flowed when Dave wouldn't "talk like Henry!" Arguments ensued when we got tired of playing along, fits were thrown when we didn't call the dog by his new given name, Wienie. We played along when we could, but it grew very tiresome.

After what felt like an eternity, she moved on and found a new obsession. Jack Black was the new Oswald.  He was a character on Yo Gabba Gabba with his good friend "Mini-bike". Once again, we played along. I even made her a replica of the "Minibike" with some construction paper on the front of her tricycle. Dave talks for "Mini-bike" which comes in handy when she won't listen to either of us. It seemed like such a cute idea, but in reality, it grew her obsession.

Every morning, every nap time, every bed time, Minibike had to have a part. She insists on being called Jack, she insists on watching the single episode of Yo Gabba Gabba over and over. "Mini-bike" gets his own blanket, pillow, "guy", and even a bowl at dinner. Poor Oswald is a distant memory. Over a weekend, we went to the movies. She saw a two minute preview of Kung Fu Panda, Jack Black's new movie, and talked about it for the next two hours. When asked about the movie, it's all she'll talk about, hardly mentioning the actual movie we watched.

From time to time, I wonder how "normal" it is for her to be so obsessed with a fictional character. More so her need to becomes a character. I thought about going research-mom route, talking to doctors or finding books on how to deal with an overly imaginative child. We talked about what to do, but my gut kept telling me the same thing. Let her learn.

As a society, myself included, we spend entirely too much time trying to ensure our kids are "normal".  Sometimes it forces a child into trying to be someone they are not, losing focus on their true talents. She is just exploring different roles, trying to understand friendships, and learning through pretend.  I watched her practice be put to real life use recently when at a birthday party. She saw her best friend, she held her hand, they hung out together, they counted on a swing, and she was full of hugs and affection.  And the moment we got into the car she told us she was going to go home and tell "Mini-bike" about her day.  I just have to let her learn, even if I have to call her Jack to get her to go to bed at night.

Rice and Beans

Baby pool: $5.00

Bag of beans: $.98

Bag of rice: $.98

Occupied toddler learning about sizes and volume without a huge mess all over my carpet: Priceless

Biggest, Brightest, Best

When I was a kid, given a choice of anything, I always went for the biggest, the most colorful, or one that would inevitably go first.  Being one of five (sometimes eight, if you include cousins that were always around) kids in a house, I knew that if I don't take what I can get, someone else will and I'd end up regretting my choice. Since I was the oldest, I usually got first choice or at least muscled my way into first choice.  Still, I never let an opportunity pass me by when it came to the best toy, coloring book, or seat in the car.

Lilli is in no rush to go for the coolest animal in the bucket, the best snack in the pantry, or the biggest slice of cake.  She knows it will be there next time, if she chooses to explore the tiny goose today.  Tomorrow she can check out the giant horse. The perks of being an only (and very spoiled) child are very interesting to me. A point of view I'd never get from my own perspective as first born of many.

Most of the time, when Lilli gets a reward for potty successes, she picks an animal toy that she'd been interested in that week.  Last week, she picked two ducks and a chicken over any other (in my opinion) much cooler and bigger cow, tiger, or gorilla.  She chooses the less than fabulous toys in the lot, but she is always just as thrilled.  Just as I started to think how different we were, while washing her hands after another #2 success, she declares she wants the biggest, coolest, and most appealing toy animal in the two buckets she has to choose from. I have to admit, I'm sort of jealous of her freedom.  She doesn't need to worry someone else will get to the best choice first. Though, at the end of the day, I'm more than happy to give her the peace of mind of less competition.

Watched pot

Twice today, someone said to me "wow, she's getting so big!" These are the people that see her once a week or more. I looked down at her and thought, wow she really is... It came as a shock. How could I have missed it? She's become a tall, lanky, often clumsy, kid.

Some days it seems like she wakes up taller, walking around awkwardly for a few hours or days. Bumping, running into, and falling over anything in her newly sized path. Since we are together so much, it escapes me to notice from time to time.

It's not that I'm not paying attention, measuring, observing and straight up gawking at the wonder that is my child. It's borderline obsessive how closely I watch for any minuscule change in her life. However, from time to time it strikes me, usually by someone else's point of view, how much change has happened in such a very short amount of time.  When did it all happen? When did she go from being a toddler to a kid? Soon enough, she'll be walking out the door on her way to class.  Luckily, for now, there are just toy cars and magnets in that backpack...

Just a Mom?

Recently, insecurity crept into my thoughts about my level of commitment to raising my kid.  It all started after watching a TV episode dealing with a mom trying not to tell stories about her baby.  She said she never wanted to become that woman that is only a mom. It ended in her ranting about her kid non-stop and everyone else getting annoyed. I started to notice how often I am that mom...

We spend the better part of our day's together, just the two of us. It's hard not to talk about it, since that IS my day.  I enjoy doing everything we do together. I post pictures of mostly her, I tell stories about her, I spend almost all of my time dedicated to making sure she's getting the best out of life.  The news I read is typically either parenting or psychology related. All in an effort to ensure I'm doing the absolute best job I can raising our daughter. I eat, breath and sleep my kid. Was I just a mom? Is that all that there is to me any more? Does it drive people crazy?!

This self doubt was making me a little self conscious. While it was eating me up inside, I started thinking about what it was I was missing out on... Honestly, I didn't feel like I was... I am learning about the world all over again, from a completely different angle.  Having a hand in teaching someone how to navigate life seems like such an incredible opportunity for study. And, really, I don't care if anyone else thinks of me as just a mom.  I know better.

We never miss an opportunity to do something new together, whether we go hiking, on an adventure, to a park, or the beach.  All things that make me who I am, I choose to share them with my family.  The time we spend together makes our lives better. I ache when we're all apart.

I don't knock any mom that doesn't get to spend as much time with their families.  I am more often jealous of how they spend their time, and I'm sure they are jealous of how I spend mine. Everyone becomes insecure in their roles in life from time to time.  For a brief moment I forgot that I chose this life, the most important thing is that it makes me happy. It doesn't matter to me if other people think, I've found myself here for a reason.

How One Learns

When reading a story, Lilli can sometimes point out entire words. She can spell some of her favorites, but sometimes she has trouble with identifying the letters of the alphabet. She can sing the aphabet song in it's entirety and will read you her favorite stories from memory.  Her favorites at the moment are anything Eric Carle.  To make sure she doesn't fall behind, being at home with me instead of in child care, we started working on anything she seems to be lacking for her age group.

One afternoon, we played doll house while watching an educational video about the alphabet.  She was singing along happily until the segment ended and a new one started.  They were flashing the letters while children shouted the letters out one at a time.  Suddenly, she got very upset and said to me, "turn off the yelling, back on the singing!" She ran out of the room and went behind a wall to "hide" from it.  I told her it'd be over soon and she came back to play once it was over.

I started thinking about her personality, whether she would benefit from a classroom of overly excited, yelling toddlers.  She's never been in a situation like that and when her surroundings become too much, she retreats. She's definitely not shy and has no problem making friends with the most reluctant of kids.  However, she does her own thing when a large group gathers and gets to loud for her. She goes off to collect sticks, play in the dirt, climb a playground by herself. It made me think about her learning style, how she seems to do better when someone sits down with her and gives her one-on-one attention. Since then, I have been trying to figure out the best way to teach her, using flashcards, coloring, singing, and reading. I realized how quickly she picks something up when we sing or read about it, when we explore arms deep in interacting, and when she asks question after question. She learns by experience, through her inquisitive nature, by being involved in the process.

While I may be blinded by the joys of being a WAH mom or the typical "my child is beyond amazing" syndrome, I can't help but think maybe our daughter simply benefits more from the one-on-one attention and customization of her education.  Perhaps she just does better with one person working through each problem in the comfort of her quiet home.  Often, those big groups make her retreat, maybe the structure would limit her explorations, the scarce attention would mean her constant stream of questioning would be passed over.  Neither of us have ever had much structure to our days, we simply go with the flow and introduce as many experiences into our days as we can.

I've always teetered back and forth about home schooling, I probably won't be able to make a solid decision until I'm faced with the necessity of making one. Until then, we will learn as much as we can, we will enjoy our time and I'll answer as many questions as humanly possible until my head explodes.