Fever

New years eve 2008-09 was the last time Lilli was sick or had a fever. We spent our New Years Eve relaxing since we were new parents, we didn't have any extravagant plans. Around 1 a.m. we realized the thrill of waiting up for the ball to drop was unnecessary and we went to bed. Within a half an hour we were woken up by a hysterical five month old. The next three days were scary and exhausting. We called our doctor every time our concerns became too overwhelming to handle on our own. It all seems like a lifetime ago.

She has had her share of bumps and bruises, considering she's genetically prone to clumsiness, but since the day we took her out of daycare she has rarely had even a stuffy nose. We've been lucky enough to avoid an ear infection, stomach virus, and colds. Mostly, when she feels sick, it's related to her teething but never more than a low-grade fever.

Last week she was pushing through three or four molars. She was miserable, whiny, and very clingy, just not usual spunky self. She had her usual low-grade fever for a day or so before the worst of it kicked in. Once again she waited until the wee hours of the morning, we were awoken by screams of pain and restlessness. However, this time she was much more capable of expressing her discomfort.

Being able to express herself was something I looked forward to in situations like this one. Finally, we'd be able to comfort her if we knew what she needed. Boy, was I wrong. She was able to express her pain, but it did not help anything. Being able to express herself only made her thrash about, cry, and generally dislike the world with more intensity. We still felt helpless, exhausted, and scared.

When her fever hit 103+ around 3 a.m., we panicked, she had never been this sick before now. I spent the rest of the night sleeping sitting up with a steaming hot toddler nestled into my chest. Every time I tried to move, she woke up in hysterics. When the doctors office opened we called and they suggested we keep doing everything we had been doing. This just made us feel worse for our little girl who was obviously unhappy. It went on for another day or so before she started to feel better and those pesky molars poked through ready to chew on anything in sight.

I felt the same as I had the first time she was sick, helpless. More than anything, we wanted to make her feel better. It seemed like the only thing that would make anything better was love, Tylenol and patience. I suppose that as she gets older, the sicknesses won't become any easier. The guilt and sadness a parent feels for their sick child never changes. The love and comfort they need to feel better never goes away. No matter how much medicine you give your child, the thing they want most is you.

"Song of the Entry"

Mystery by Clint Brown