A mother's guilt

I grew up in a pretty big family, compared to Dave's at least. There was no shortage of mother's guilt in my life. Sometimes the guilt was used for simple things like doing the dishes and other times big things like which college to attend.

Allow me to give you an example of such a situation. Say you're busy one day that your grandmother needs a ride to the store. Your plans aren't incredibly important, but you have made a commitment to your day and changing your plans would be inconvenient. A mother's guilt is not direct, it's not obvious and it will almost always work. It starts with her mental list of other options she might have: "well, I guess I could call your brother, but he's working until 6 p.m.... I guess I could wait to pick up my creamer and just drink my coffee black. Although, that usually upsets my stomach, so I guess I could just skip coffee all together today." :::loud sigh:::

I had always resented this guilt. I never understood how someone could be so passive aggressive and yet, somehow, I felt compelled to do whatever it was that was being requested. It wasn't until I had become a mother that I understood from where this power stems.

I now understand that the mother's guilt is perfected from spending every moment of your life feeling guilty. Guilt for making a bad decision that could potentially change the course of a child's life. Guilt from spending an extra five minutes in the shower instead of playing another round of wheels on the bus. Guilt from making the husband take out the garbage when he clearly thinks isn't that bad and it could wait until tomorrow morning. Guilt from neglecting another unanswered email, that plant that's been dying for a few weeks, the piles of paperwork that needs to be filed, that pile of crumbs that has been passed over a few times but would be cleaned up when the list of to-do's was finally finished.

I don't think that these moms intentionally ever guilt-ed anyone into doing their bidding. I believe they were generally just thinking about their options aloud. Trying to find an answer to the endless stream of questions, problems and challenges that come up every single second of every single day. I believe comes from years and years of pros-cons, decision making, planning, and simply just trying to get things done efficiently.

It's difficult to run a family, a house, and the life a parent chooses without weighing all of the options. It feels like every decision you make could have a terrible consequence. (Flu shot or No flu shot? Early nap or late nap? Chicken or Pizza for dinner? Preschool or home school? Jacket or sweater? Stay here or go there?)

I think moms are good at guilt because they spend their life feeling guilty. We are just trying to find the best option for our kids and our families. We're trying to get our damn coffee so we can make it through the day.

Dear Moms in my family,
I appreciate your guilt, I love you too. Sorry I gave you so much crap, I'm happy to pick you up some creamer. Enjoy your morning coffee. :)
Love, me

"Indie Song of the Entry"

Down and Out by The Displacements