Actions, Reactions

The moment I start to feel stressed, you know the kind that keeps you up at night, I start to feel it physically.  First, I become restless and introvert. I will stop answering calls that don't need to be answered, I hesitate posting my usual live stream of photos on social sites, and sometimes I even *gasp* become less chatty (rare, but true).  Within a day or so, my stomach turns to knots and I start to feel physically ill.  The rest of my body follows suit from there in a downhill spiral until I can't take myself anymore. I muster up enough courage to pick myself off of the floor and pull it together.

Today, not one of those courageous days.  I find myself stuck in the middle of this spiral and despite my typical response, I decided blogging would be a better alternative to stressing more and sulking while I have a few quiet minutes to think.  Waking up to the chipper sounds of a two and a half year old never really helps the wallowing anyway.  She needs breakfast, then entertainment, then lunch, then entertainment, then she needs a cup of juice, then to be assisted to go to the bathroom, then help putting together this puzzle, then "swing me, SWING ME!!! SWING ME, MOMMY!!! PLEEEEEAAAASSSEE" Finally... Nap time.

Here I find myself, still brooding from the week's earlier let down, complaining of a stomach ache, making already annoying allergies more annoying.  Something is different this time. I keep reminding myself to stop worrying about the things I can't control.  Sure, I could have controlled things before they hit the fan, but that didn't happen.  Things don't always turn out the way you'd like... It hit the fan, it got all over the walls and now I've gotta clean it up.

Before kids, I'd have been thrown for a loop, perhaps even let my emotions get the better of me, and cried about life a little. Lost a week of sleep and probably found myself laying in bed for most of a day or two. Not this time. Not today, because now I have a little ball of "Time to get up, Mommy!" pulling me reluctantly from my warm safe place.  So, suck it up, grown up. Time to make the day.  Today, I told myself, "stop worrying, what will be will be, do the best you can, take care of Lilli first." I did that and I felt a little better.

This time, I thought about all of the times I spent an hour cooking, building, drawing, crafting, or working hard on something just to have a Two-zilla come and knock it all to pieces. I remembered all of the times my hard work was smashed in a sea of giggles and "uh-oh!"'s. I took some deep breaths, like I often tell Lilli to do when she's frustrated or upset.  Then, I decided if the worst happened, so what? I'd deal with that too. I've dealt with so many twists and turns, I'd just do my best. 'Cause sometimes stuff hits the fan, sometimes it stains the walls and carpet, sometimes it gets in the cracks of the wall or in your hair, sometimes it makes you want to curl up in bed and feel sorry for yourself for a few days. However, that's not an option these days. Instead, I need to work a little harder next time to make sure I do the right thing.  And next time, I will be pulled from my warm safe place into a more mature place.  One where I always have to set a good example and practice what I preach.  Time to take my own advice and just breathe.